KeepingAdvent: "You are not my Mommy anymore"

 Copyright Allie Brosh, 2010

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My five year old daughter is like any of us:  there are some things she likes to hear, and some things she doesn’t like to hear.  Like any of us, she likes to hear that she is going to get what she wants.  Like any of us, she does not like to hear that she made a mistake, or that she needs to do something she does not want to do. 

Very often, I tell her things that she likes to hear:

“Yes, you may have a cookie.” 

“Yes, we can stay at the park for five more minutes.”

“Yes, I will read you this story.”

But other times, I have to tell her things that she does not want to hear:

“Even if you are tired, you have to brush your teeth.” 

“You must not yell at the dinner table.” 

“There is not enough time to make pancakes this morning.”

When she has heard “no” one too many times – when the bad news seems to be piling up on her, she begins to lose control, shouting and crying and making threats.  Sometimes, she even goes so far as to wish that she were no longer part of the family, saying: “You are not my Mommy anymore!” and then fleeing to her room. 

I suppose I could avoid all of this unpleasantness by never telling her anything she did not want to hear – never telling her to brush her teeth, never reminding her to be gentle with the cat, always making whatever food she wants whenever she wants it.  And sometimes, admittedly, I take the easy way out.  Sometimes, I don’t have the energy to hold the line, so I give in when I am pretty sure I shouldn’t.  But most often, I speak to my daughter out of a conviction that I am telling her what she NEEDS to hear – even when she does not WANT to hear it. 

In his letter to the Thessalonians, Paul writes, “We had courage in our God to declare to you the gospel of God in spite of great opposition… we speak not to please mortals, but to please God who tests our hearts…” Paul illustates what he means by this kind of speech with the examples of a nurse gently tending to her infant, and a father encouraging his child.  What is good for the child – what speech arises out of loving-kindness – does not always seem like good news to the child at the time.  Loving that child well (and so pleasing God) may at times entail displeasing the child – thereby leading her to accuse that you do not love her, because she does not yet understand you.

It is interesting to me that Paul’s word “flattery” is echoed in Psalm 5: “Their throat is an open grave; they flatter with their tongue.”

It is so easy to want to simply please another – to tell them what they want to hear.  Not just our children, but our friends and co-workers, our students or our teachers, our doctors or our patients, our spouses, our siblings, our parents…   We are afraid of their displeasure – sometimes, we feel like we don’t have the energy to speak what we know to be true.  But when we tell people what they WANT to hear instead of what they NEED to hear, we have set a trap for them with our speech – they fall into our words as into an empty grave. 

Thanks be to God, the Psalmist does not get to make the call as to our ultimate fate.  We shall neither be cast out nor destroyed; instead, nothing shall separate us from God’s love and forgiveness for us.  Though in our fear we may have spoken with deadly flattery, we can try again: by the grace of the Holy Spirit, we have new opportunities to speak life and love to those we encounter this day.

-Sarah McGiverin

Follow Sarah on Twitter @SarahMcGiverin

Read more posts by Sarah @ www.jerusalemtojericho.com

KeepingAdvent: "Neighborhood Watch"

Almighty God, give us grace to cast away the works of darkness, and put on the armor of light, now in the time of this mortal life in which your Son Jesus Christ came to visit us in great humility

There have been some break-ins in my neighborhood over the last several weeks. Not home breaks-ins, but car break-ins.  Really I guess you would call these smash and grab operations: the culprit smashes a car window then grabs any other electronic device that can be easily scooped up. GPS devices seem to be quite “hot” item this holiday season. And I do mean “hot.”

As my family drove down our street Thanksgiving Day we saw yet another smashed car window.   A cement block, broken glass and some debris littered the road and it looked as if no one had yet discovered the deed.  We pulled over and John knocked on the neighbor's door. A very groggy young man came to the door in his pajamas. He came out and surveyed the damage. The two men spoke briefly, sadly shaking their heads.

When John got back in the car he reported that the car break in was not the worst of it. The young man and his wife had been up late into the night caring for their dying cat. It was just adding insult to heart breaking injury.

These break-ins are annoying. They are more than that. They are aggravating and infuriating: I remarked to my family as we drove away that we should form a little neighborhood night patrol and see if we could catch these rascals in the act.

Well, sure enough, I wasn't the only one who wondered how we could combat these frustrating works of darkness. We subscribe to our neighborhood list serve. All kinds of helpful and sometimes unhelpful posts are made to the list.

Someone posed a similar suggestion on the list serve Thanksgiving night: let’s organize some kind of watch and see if we can catch a thief? Before you could say “incoming” our inboxes lit up with increasing incendiary charges of vigilante-ism and elitism.  The merits of community watch verses private security companies were heatedly debated. Yikes! Trying to cast out the works of darkness without casting  judgment upon thy neighbor is harder than one might think.

In the collect for the First Sunday in Advent we implore Almighty God to “ give us grace to cast away the works of darkness, and put on the armor of light, now in the time of this mortal life.”  I love the sound of that.

I want God to give me this grace to cast away the works of darkness. I want to find this armor of light and use it like a flash light to cast some illumination on the dark places and evil doers in life. 

Combating the works of darkness begins and maybe even ends in confronting sin in our own life.  Give us grace” the collect says ...meaning we cannot cast out sin but must have God’s help.

Advent is the time we are preparing for all kinds of break-ins. Yes, the break-in and break downs that come as a result of human sins, especially our own failures, but more importantly, Advent reminds us to prepare for the sometimes alarming but more often exhilarating ways that God is ready to break into our lives.

We remember all the times God has broken into the world to show us a way to start again to get back to the business of making peace, of beating our swords of hostility into plow shares of a community that lives in love and charity with our neighbors. We remember how God broke into the domination system of Pharaoh and led his people to freedom. In Advent we remember how God broke into the life of a peasant girl living in Judah; we look back to Bethlehem where God broke into human flesh.

And in Advent we also look ahead in anticipation of ways God will once again break into the course of human history. We can’t know the time or the place, just that it will happen. And we need not be afraid; just prepared.

The Rev. Anne Hodges-Copple.

Rector at St. Luke's Episcopal Church

Durham, NC

Follow us on Twitter @StLukesDurham

Bonds... James and Otherwise

Image taken from.

The day before Thanksgiving, Jeff and I saw the movie Skyfall, the latest James Bond movie. The James Bond character is enduring, though, at first glance, it may be hard to figure out why. The guy is a state-approved British assassin; he’s curt; he’s in the running for the world’s worst womanizer. I wonder if part of the appeal is that things go differently when James Bond is around. He doesn’t really seem to need anything or anyone else; in fact, other people seem just to get in his way.

Hold that thought. Consider the gospel reading according to Luke for today. Jesus describes some of the things that are going to signal that the Son of Man, one of Jesus’ biblical nicknames, is coming again—there will be signs in the sun, moon, stars, and in the roaring seas and waves. When we see these signs, Jesus says, we’ll know that the time has come, the same way we know summer is here when we see the leaves on the fig tree. Watch for these signs, Jesus says. Be “on guard” and “alert” at all times.

At all times… alert… on guard… what? We’ve all done this before--the classic all nighter. Most of us, with the help of caffeine and fear to finish , , sheer excitement if we’re doing something fun with our friends all night, or anxiety due to things like health or employment, most of us can stay at alert and aware, for a short, defined time. But how long can any one of us be alert before crashing—the exact opposite of alert and on guard?

But let’s read again: Jesus said to all who live on the face of the earth aka everyone. Jesus is speaking to a group. When I read this passage again with that perspective, I’m reminded of the fact that, like it or not, believe it or not, we need others. To think we can stay alert and be on guard by ourselves all the time is a recipe for failure. To think we can shoulder lives’ burdens alone is not realistic. Sometimes we fault ourselves for not being good enough when really, we’re okay, we’re just not perfect. Together, a group of committed people can do things that cannot be done by any one person alone, whether that be keeping alert, helping fight HIV/AIDS (since World AIDS day is December 1), making beautiful music, whatever. Together, we can keep our guard up. I know you all know this. But I think sometimes we start thinking that we’re kind of James Bond-ish—that we’re lone rangers. The truth is, and nowhere is this more evident than in the latest movie, even James Bond isn’t James Bond. Even Bond sometimes has help, often from somewhat unlikely corners. 

By telling us to be on guard as a group, I wonder if Jesus is trying to give us a gift in a season that can be so wonderful, so glorious, so hectic, so stressful, and so lonely. I wonder if Jesus is saying: “Hang in there. Let someone else help you through if you need to. Help each other and other people. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that you’re alone, that you have to carry your whole life by yourself all the time, or that you can’t make a difference.”

In this Advent season, may we prepare not only ourselves but also others for however it is and whenever it is Christ is going to enter our lives.

-Ann Bonner-Stewart

Holiday Hustle n' Bustle- Rekindle the Joy #KeepingAdvent

Here we are- the holiday season is upon us. You might even be already sick of it,  because maybe you noticed it sort of started before it actually started. If you’re like me maybe you noticed Christmas decorations weeks out before Thanksgiving?  At Starbucks, the Thanksgiving Blend came out before Halloween, then was all out before Thanksgiving. I was actually drinking their Christmas blend coffee the day before Thanksgiving. Insanity! I didn't have time to even properly sit down with my family to be thankful for the year and everything. I was quickly being thrust into the next phase of figuring out gifts before I even cut the turkey.  I know there are plenty of feelings going around the idea of protecting the sanctity of the holidays from the stores and store employees, but this piece isn’t about ranting or raving against stores or consumers. Who doesn’t love a good deal?  This piece isn’t about any of that- this is about joy and rekindling the spirit.

So I start off with Starbucks- joy in a cup :) Well, almost. I love their slogans and taglines each and every year. They are genius at marketing. Why can’t the church be more like Starbucks? Not at all like the Youtube video on that. I mean in trying to always capture the meaning of the holidays. They (Starbucks) write:

The holidays are about spending time with loved ones and of course, giving gifts. Our Holiday Village is a place where you and yours can share seasonal moments and experience the joy of the holidays each and every day.

What would you write? What are these holidays about to you? Is it about sharing coffee and memories or about something else? I like their slogan this year, “Rekindle the joy.” This is perfect for our Advent series here at St. Luke’s Episcopal: #KeepingAdvent. Along with the other holidays, the Advent season is coming too. How many people get “geeked” for Advent like they do for Thanksgiving, Christmas, Rosh Hashanah, New Years? Certainly not me, but that’s why this series is important. Advent is often the overlooked season of the church. Advent is a season in and of itself- more than just a countdown, where you get to open a little calendar door for a chocolate down to Christmas day.  I must say here that I am not speaking badly about chocolate advent calendars. I love ‘em, have ‘em, BUT there is more to this special season. Advent is about so many things- our reminder of God’s promise, that Christ came, is coming again, to keep waiting, to remember the joy of our salvation,  to keep our lamps burning, to rekindle the joy.

May you, this Advent season, hear the story of the holy father’s love of the world and for you. Be reminded again that he is indeed coming back. That he does not delay nor is he slow or keep his word. 1 Corinthians 16:13 has a great word,” Stay awake, stand firm in your faith, be brave, be strong.”

This time of year can be full of joy and harmony, but I also understand that this is also a time for stress and tension too. Maybe you are like me and most of us at St. Luke’s- we need this Advent to re-spark within us some joy. We/I need joy. We/I need to be rekindled. Thank you Starbucks for (unofficially) kick starting off a wonderful campaign. :) I encourage you to follow this Advent series this season. It’s ok to have hustle n’ bustle everyday and it’s also okay to sit down to reflect have some time for yourself. In fact, doing that will benefit everyone around you.

Here’s a poem I recently read about reflection:

Breathe,  Breathe in,
Feel it going in,
 Feel my lungs expand,
Slow,
Hold,
Feel it,
  Release it,
Release my shoulders,
 Let me eyelids collapse
Breathe in good,
 Exhale the bad,
Fill with positive,
 Create space,
Feel the distance leave us,
 Become attuned,
Aware.
Breathe.

(author unknown)

May the peace of the Lord be with you,
Mike Belmares; Mt. 6:33
(Follow him on Twitter: @metromonk)